“There is no friend as loyal as a book” ― Ernest Hemingway

I started liking books since my childhood, same for most of the people I guess. I used to read them over and over and so never ran out of books to read. This compelled my mother to hide the books during my exam time as I used to perform poorly. I remember sometimes I could discover where she hid them and its feeling was similar to climbing a tough peak.

Then I grew up (my age increased). I started finding my hiding place inside them. To be very frank, I am a dull human being. I sometimes fail to tune with the outside world. So, for my peace of mind I learnt to turn to them whenever I feel lonely. It never disappointed me.

I came to college. I became exposed to many aspects of life which I did not know of. I became aware of incompleteness of life and the necessity of it. And I dived deeper into the so-called ocean of life.

At first I couldn't enjoy. I thought its because I was learning how to swim.

Many days went by. Few moments of joy, some heart-breaking and a lot of indifference happened to me. And now towards the end of my college, as I am trying to evaluate what I was doing in this ocean, I realised that what I learnt is simply how to dance at the small waves and avoiding the larger ones. What it felt to me was something similar to a subject, student of which can either perform as a general graduate or can teach that subject to produce similar students.

Now once again, I looked back at the books. Whenever I felt lack of fulfilment from the 'real' world, I turned back to it. To my joy, I found when almost everything has changed in my life, these fellows are still loyal to me, rather in the time of need its usefulness is more felt and it becomes irreplaceable.

I would like to think that, one of my favourites, Wordsworth has written the poem thinking about the books instead of the daffodils. They only truly have given me the "bliss of solitude."

That's Too Easy You See...

I sometimes wondered about and became astonished with an observation. I felt that every time in a relatively difficult situations, I am performing better. I tried to find the reason by myself as it seems counter-intuitive. I also have heard some explanations from the others. The explanations that I heard are mostly like this that, the people who find difficult situations advantageous are usually unable to solve simpler problems and that is why their performances drop when simpler situations demands a quick solutions. As one can see that this explanation itself is also against our normal thinking since it violates the very paradigm of easy and tough.

I thought of another explanation of this situation which essentially emphasises on the very basic difference between the natures of simpler and relatively tougher problems. It also is connected to the idea of time.

I was playing this game "Mahjong" in my computer, as I sometimes do in a lazy morning. I switched from an easy map to the toughest map. Well it didn't surprise me that much, I mean the result. It took me less time than the best time I scored in the easiest. I was playing the toughest for the first time. And then it clicked my mind.

I asked myself what is the difference that is benefiting me in some way. And then it also taught me something about myself. What I felt that the essential difference that distinguishes between an easy situation with a tougher one is that most of the time is the number of solutions a situation comes with. What defines a tough situation, is usually it presents itself with one possibility or maybe a few but very much less compared to an easy one.

The trick of finding the solution is hence also differs. When one wants to solve an easy problem, they try to find a solution or if more sincere the most appropriate solution which fits the situation. But in the other case, one tries to find "the" solution.

I find the first situation tougher. Its more like engineering to science. One has to note that I am referring easy and tough in its conventional sense. The second case demands the solution and does not requires to consider the situation since anyway, solution is exclusive. Maybe the idea is to simplified. But it taught me that most of the time I give up after finding an answer. While it works with the second situation relatively well, it does very badly with the first ones since challenge most of the time is to find the most appropriate answer in the least amount of time.

It also told upon my performance during the placement session which I had at my college in this December. The only three times I cleared the first round of the aptitude tests was they gave fewer problems which requires quite a large amount of thinking and time given to solve them was much more than that is given during the other kinds of question sets which requires solving many relatively simpler problems in a very less amount of time.

I believe a person should be balanced in both ways. Otherwise they must find a suitable job and situation which exploits their better quality which is almost always impossible as there are plenty of unavoidable situations life comes with. So, all the best!!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

I have a friend who once told me that his friends don't think that he has the best personality in the whole world. Rather they appreciate his ways to see life and perhaps also the differences with theirs. There maybe something more to it, but nothing less. I also seemed to understand it, but not quite realised its depth.

I think people become your friend because they just like to be around you. Now beware, one should not confuse friends with walk-mate, class-mate or liquor-mate etc. So friends appreciate that you may be different from them and yet can remain friends. If somebody becomes your friend just because they like one or two qualities of yours, well it might continue to seem as a friendship even for a lifetime and it might not matter anyway, personaly I think its not ideal. Though I sometimes felt friendship is an overrated concept, I think its all because of those xyz-mates. I guess its very tough to find a friend because everybody is busy with their lives and most of them don't give a crap about yours unless it has something to do with theirs. We may not be able to find it. This is just as probable as doing a job which has nothing to do with one's best skills throughout their lives. It may happen. Life is not fair.

I think a friend should be like that feeling which tells you that finish this work and then you can go to him. They won't seem distant. You don't have to ask, they will tell you what was happening with them when you were not around; and you are listening to them because you want to and also not because after they finish you get to talk. And they too are more than willing to know about you. And most importantly it won't seem like a formality. It will happen naturally. Well as far I understand, this is an abstract concept and these are my visualisation. And I don't think there is any right or wrong in this. You go on in your own way. If you are lucky enough, you don't get to suffer for all your wrong doings or unfortunate enough you have to. Everything is coincidence. We cannot ascribe earthly events related to our lives to more important phenomena. Life, rather time, just go on.

A simple quote from long ago,

उत्सवे ब्यासने चैब दुर्भिक्षे राष्ट्रबिप्लाबे।

राजद्वारे श्मशाने च यस्तिष्ठति स वान्धब।।

John 8:32 "...and the truth will set you free."

Sometimes you make me feel like I was damn wrong
So wrong that I don't even qualify to be with you
Sometimes you make me find, to my utter dismay that I was right
How do I know which one is in the realm of reality
I don't know, surrounded so much by the virtual reality
Where people have headaches just to send a real letter
Everything is parted from the other and made to stay at their domain
I don't know whether it is prohibited
To just want the truth
Unpolished, without any doping of impurity
I want the truth
Just the truth and nothing else, trust me
without the package of make-belief

As I heard that the Bible says that the truth shall set you free. Like most other sayings, it came to my skull as some vestigial words, until when I actually realised, at least to a little extent, what it actually means to be free. As Tolkien once said "all that is gold does not glitter", though in life we want the shiny stuffs, sometimes it is required to come in touch of purity in its true sense. To cleanse our systems flooded with pretentious thoughts and inputs (both from within and outside) every single day and moment.

What i want to say is more or less like this-

It is easier to perceive error than to find truth, for the former lies on the surface and is easily seen, while the latter lies in the depth, where few are willing to search for it.

-Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe, German poet, novelist and dramatist

Never apologise for showing feeling. When you do so you apologise for truth.
-Benjamin Disraeli, British politician and author

Accepting what I did not want to accept

We often come across situations in life where we get hurt by other people or a situation. We are often told to think whether the person is really important enough in our life to mean that much to us. And, while consoling the person who got hurt, basically it is told to them to just move on and forget the other person.

 I have a different theory. We already know most of the time the issues are which can hurt our feelings. And what happens is that whenever we get amazed by a person or a situation or simply we get used to a situation which has that trait which can make you feel bad, we start to procrastinate to accept that fact. We try to make ourselves overlook those till the point which is just unbearable to us. But the fact of the matter is that people usually do not change drastically to fit into other criteria because they have their own life. In a situation when you yourself are trying to deny the potential of someone/something to make you feel bad, that/they will also deny it till it does by any of its inherent quality which is so natural to it.

 We always try to explain events in the light of our understandings. And when we cannot do it, we stop thinking about it unless you practice to do otherwise consciously. That is the reason behind not accepting certain things believing things will fall into places (to our liking). Our mind always try to analyse a situation with the resources available to it and if you restrain an information by not accepting it, there is a possibility that our mind will not be able to break down the situation which is the outcome of that very information to a level in which your consciousness can understand.

 I have seen that if you accept that certain person act in certain way, certain group of people will always think in a certain way, it is all really very easy to explain everything in you own mind. Reality is after all, how you perceive it. There is a point however to note that by accepting people does not mean to assign a value to it and belittle them, rather respecting their individuality as an independent human being as well as in a certain group. By accepting and respecting a person you give that person a room to be what he or she really is and you give yourself a room to live freely.

My experiences with pseudo-intellectualism

  This is about something I observed in my daily life frequently since I started understanding it and also started to feel the urge to practice it. I am talking about pseudo-intellectualism (don't know if there is some word like that or not). Somehow I cannot do it and probably that is the reason I started hating it from the early days when I started to realise there is a thing like this. There is a note however that I also met several people, who are actually creative and know their business. But my disgust is towards those who fake it. Fortunately, I do not have any friend who practices it. But in daily lives friends are not the only people whom you interact frequently. I feel humiliated when I see people bluff about their capability or mentality to someone whom I care. I always try to make the idea clearer to the people I care if I feel they are being bluffed. Though I realised much later that it really is not a very good idea to do it all the time, but that is another issue. I just want to express my anger which comes from the lack of capabilities to "lie." I could not find a better word for it.

  I also started feeling pity for the people when I see them, even after having full knowledge, go by others' bluffs. And what hurts more is when I see me not getting something because a pseudo has convinced the person concerned. Yes, I know it is a very good quality. I have seen my close ones, and even people whom I just know get carried away by pseudos, told me about it. I am not implying the value of intellect ceased to exist. It just cannot be. What I am trying to imply is that sometimes the one who gets the value does not deserve it. And, when you are the one that gets stepped upon by bluffers, you feel bad. But, with a pinch of pity though.


  I just want to say, I am sorry. For I don't have the quality to confuse people if I can't convince them. It feels so demoralising. I am sorry for I can't buy professional devices just to look like a one when I am not. I am sorry I can't lie to you about a poem and make minor change and claim that it is my own composition. I am sorry I cannot pretend to like some genre of music for it is way to attract people's attention. I am sorry I cannot tell you that I know everything about something. I am just a normal person who wants to get what he deserves. If the programme of lying is not installed properly in one's system, is it the reason enough to deprive them of being valued where it is due or deserved?