This is about something I observed in my daily life frequently since I started understanding it and also started to feel the urge to practice it. I am talking about pseudo-intellectualism (don't know if there is some word like that or not). Somehow I cannot do it and probably that is the reason I started hating it from the early days when I started to realise there is a thing like this. There is a note however that I also met several people, who are actually creative and know their business. But my disgust is towards those who fake it. Fortunately, I do not have any friend who practices it. But in daily lives friends are not the only people whom you interact frequently. I feel humiliated when I see people bluff about their capability or mentality to someone whom I care. I always try to make the idea clearer to the people I care if I feel they are being bluffed. Though I realised much later that it really is not a very good idea to do it all the time, but that is another issue. I just want to express my anger which comes from the lack of capabilities to "lie." I could not find a better word for it.
I also started feeling pity for the people when I see them, even after having full knowledge, go by others' bluffs. And what hurts more is when I see me not getting something because a pseudo has convinced the person concerned. Yes, I know it is a very good quality. I have seen my close ones, and even people whom I just know get carried away by pseudos, told me about it. I am not implying the value of intellect ceased to exist. It just cannot be. What I am trying to imply is that sometimes the one who gets the value does not deserve it. And, when you are the one that gets stepped upon by bluffers, you feel bad. But, with a pinch of pity though.
I just want to say, I am sorry. For I don't have the quality to confuse people if I can't convince them. It feels so demoralising. I am sorry for I can't buy professional devices just to look like a one when I am not. I am sorry I can't lie to you about a poem and make minor change and claim that it is my own composition. I am sorry I cannot pretend to like some genre of music for it is way to attract people's attention. I am sorry I cannot tell you that I know everything about something. I am just a normal person who wants to get what he deserves. If the programme of lying is not installed properly in one's system, is it the reason enough to deprive them of being valued where it is due or deserved?
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